Thursday, March 27, 2008

Well, I’m still here. I see that as a good sign ;-) The scan in early December did not show the results I was hoping for. It wasn’t a bad scan but it wasn’t what I was looking for, either. I was hoping (obviously) that three months of strictly following the Gerson Therapy would show a dramatic improvement. The scan showed a stabilization of the tumors in my pelvis, meaning they hadn’t gotten any bigger, but the largest tumor in my lungs had gotten bigger, although not by much, and there were more smaller ones in my lungs. The scan results were depressing. I had been so strict on the diet and nutrition and I had pinned so much hope on it that to hear that things were not “better” was heart-breaking. I had a little pity party by myself that night, went totally off Gerson and ate things I had only been able to dream of while on the diet. Over the next few days I realized that I was perhaps looking at things the wrong way. It’s completely possible that had I not been on Gerson, things might have gotten a lot worse. Maybe Gerson was working and I just needed to give it more time. In all the literature I had on Gerson, the people who got results followed the program for nine months or eighteen, etc. Nowhere did I find a story of someone who was cancer free in three months. So, I went back on a modified Gerson regimen and added something called Protocel. I also contacted my doctor about a clinical trial at the City of Hope that he had told me about. The trial was testing a drug designed for BRCA1 carriers, inhibiting the ability of tumor cells to self repair. By this time I was in an incapacitating amount of pain and was not able to continue working or singing. My doctor prescribed some vicodin but that was very ineffective. From there we began a long and not very successful attempt at pain management using a variety of (and increasing dosages of) drugs. I was dizzy to the point of not being able to eat and as luck would have it, also caught a stomach virus. My weight plummeted to under 100 pounds and my parents had to move in with me. I couldn’t take care of myself anymore. It was thoroughly depressing to be in a place where I couldn’t do normal things anymore. I was in constant pain, unable to sleep and felt like I was in a downward spiral and couldn’t see how I was going to get out of it.

After wrangling with my insurance company, I finally was approved to begin the clinical trial at City of Hope. My oncologist there sent me to a pain management specialist who, God bless him, has been able to come up with the magic formula. My new oncologist is female, Dr. Mortimer, and I like her very much. I started the clinical trial at the beginning of February. Three weeks into the trial my blood work was not looking so good. The trial drugs were really beating up on my hemoglobin and red blood cells. I needed two blood transfusions. I took a two week break from the trial meds and resumed at half strength two weeks ago. As of now, at the end of March, I am feeling much better. The pain is under control, I am sleeping well, I’ve gained back some weight and I am once again doing some “normal” things. I don’t know what protocol is making the difference: Gerson, Protocel, or the trial medication and I don’t really care. I’ll continue with them all. I have another scan coming up in April so we’ll see if it shows the improvement that I’m feeling.  

On a sad note, (for me, anyway) I will not be performing this summer with the band. We’ve lost out lead guitarist and I’m not sure I’ll be in shape to be singing, anyway. Illness robs you of so many of the things you love to do. 

I will be overhauling the website soon, I think. Everything about my life has been turned upside down in the past five years and much of what I believe has changed, as well.

Monday, November 26, 2007

I passed the twelve week mark on Thursday, which was Thanksgiving. For weeks, I had anticipated eating "regular" food on that day. It was sort of anti-climactic. Two days earlier, on Tuesday, I had a couple of dizzy spells where I almost blacked out. I was sitting down both times in front of my computer so it's not like I was over exerting myself somehow. The first spell was a little alarming but it passed quickly as I did some deep breathing. The second one, later that afternoon, scared me. I was thinking, "Oh, great. Now what? Am I going to be in the hospital for Thanksgiving?" It took longer to begin to feel normal and I was contemplating having someone take me to the emergency room. I spoke with Dr. Stillings, who runs the Whole Life Learning Center (Gerson Therapy), and he thought that it sounded like a blood sugar problem and it was time to add some protein into my diet. He said some people "hit the wall" on the Gerson Therapy at a certain point, become almost hypoglycemic and need more protein than what is in the veggies. He recommended a daily whey protein shake. I started doing that the next day and have had no other dizzy episodes. I've lost quite a bit of weight on this therapy, 25 pounds since August. I was not a heavy person to start with so I'm pretty small now, size-wise. Anyway, back to Thursday...I got up, fixed my protein shake and then proceeded to make a breakfast that I'd been looking forward to for a long time: scrambled eggs with onions, bell peppers & tomatoes and some hashed browns. It was all organic but not exactly "Gerson".  I was only able to eat half of it. I got to the point where I knew that if I continued to eat, I'd make myself sick. I saved the other half, intending to eat it for lunch. I did all the regular juicing because I didn't want to go totally off program. Lunch time came and I heated up the eggs and hashed browns but was only able to eat a few bites. I just wasn't hungry. I went to my sister's house for dinner and took only very small portions of food. I was feeling a little under the weather so the day wasn't quite the celebration I'd been anticipating. Since last Wednesday evening, I've had  some low grade fevers, usually in the late afternoon and evening. This is good. The Gerson Therapy likes low grade fevers because it means that my body is trying to heal something. The Gerson Therapy also predicts that "healing reactions" happen at about the three month mark. I'm right there. While having a fever, I'm not supposed to take any medication to bring it down. The body should be allowed to do it's thing (within reason - if the fever gets into the 103 range then I can take something.) When my hip/leg has started to get achy as it typically does in the late afternoons, I've waited until the fever subsided before taking an aspirin. Yesterday I had a low grade fever going for many hours and I had to choose to just go with the fever and deal with the discomfort. An interesting thing happened. Eventually the discomfort subsided on it's own, not completely but at least a noticeable amount. The fever finally gave up the ghost at about 11 pm and I took some ibuprofen to ensure a pain-free night's rest. I slept better last night than I have in a long time and today notice a remarkable difference in the way my hip/leg feels. I'm hopeful that I'm beginning to turn the corner on this.

Monday, October 29, 2007

I have followed the Gerson Therapy very strictly. Nothing “forbidden” has passed my lips. As of last Thursday, it’s been eight weeks. I’ve been in some pain for about four weeks and have been taking ibuprofen at night so that I can get some rest. The pain was in my bones and in the sciatic nerve of my right leg. Sometimes it was quite intense and I would literally be in tears until the pills kicked in. Of course, that would depress me and I would be seriously wondering if this was working or not and wondering whether I was just fooling myself into believing that nutrition could actually make a difference. After all, if it truly worked, wouldn’t more people be doing it? Wouldn’t the medical community jump on the organic band wagon? I’ve had two friends who had metastatic breast cancer. Neither of them are still alive. About a week ago I listened again to an audio book that I have of “The Secret” by Rhonda Byrnes. I’ve been listening to it repeatedly in my car since then. I have an affirmation that I repeat to myself throughout the day. I have gotten myself back into the routine of visualization, prayer and meditation every day. Somewhat simultaneously, I noticed that I am no longer feeling bone pain. The pain that is lingering now is the sciatica in my right leg but it’s been slowly getting better each day. So, I am feeling encouraged and hopeful that, indeed, everything I am doing is steadily healing me. Thanksgiving Day will be my 12^th week anniversary on the therapy. I plan on taking a day off the therapy and rewarding myself with traditional Thanksgiving food. I’ll get back on the therapy the following day. I don’t think one day off like that will be a problem.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

It's now been six weeks on the Gerson Therapy. Today I'm actually feeling much better than I have in a little while. The day after my last posting, which would be Saturday, September 29, the pain came back with a vengeance. There were nights where I got little to no sleep because of the discomfort. Most days the pain was tolerable up until about 3 pm. Don't know  what's magic about that time but the pain would start to set in. The evenings have been mostly pretty bad. I was having other "detox" symptoms, too: night sweats, acne, hives, canker sores, cracked lips. It all sounds pretty gross. Anyway, I've been sticking to the therapy but finally gave in to the need to take some pain medication (ibuprofen) at night. The Gerson Therapy doesn't recommend taking anti-inflammatory medication but I decided my body needed a chance to get some decent rest. My visit with the oncologist last week didn't illuminate much, as I expected. My vital signs and all of my vital organ functions looked normal. I think Dr. Lloyd was a little surprised that I didn't show any sign of worsening since I saw him two months ago. The tumor marker reading was only marginally higher than the previous reading. At the beginning of August it was 80 and this time it was 85. People in the grip of widespread disease have tumor marker numbers in the thousands. I was somewhat encouraged that the disease has not gotten measurably worse and, at the very least, seems to be holding steady. I have a PET/CT scan scheduled for December 3 so that will give us a clear picture of what's going on. The Gerson Therapy people say that it generally takes six to ten weeks on the therapy to see results so I'm hopeful that having reached the six week point now, that I'll see some dramatic improvement in the way I feel over the next month or so. Like I said at the start of this posting, today I feel very good with only a very, very slight "something" in my right hip. We'll see what happens at 3:00 this afternoon and then later this evening.

Friday, September 28, 2007

I've been doing the Gerson Therapy for four weeks now. The first two weeks were at the Whole Life Learning Center and it was pretty sweet just having everything (juices and food) prepared by someone else and handed to me. I was warned that the detoxification and healing process would include low grade fevers (had some of those), nausea (haven't had any of that), and symptoms that would mimic chemotherapy and the cancer itself. The "healing reactions" as they're called tend to occur around the tenth day of the therapy, the sixth week of the therapy, the third month of therapy and the sixth month of therapy. On day ten of the therapy, the sciatic nerve on my right side began to get uncomfortable. It felt very much like it did a year ago before the diagnosis of the first recurrence. For the following week it was fairly uncomfortable and I was back to limping again. The fear began to creep in, "What if this is not working? What if this actually means that things are getting worse and not better?" I really try and not dwell in negativity but sometimes the reality of my situation catches me. I finished the stay at the Learning Center and began doing the therapy for myself at home. The biggest challenge was finding a reliable source for all the organic produce I need on a weekly basis and finding all the kitchen gadgets I needed to get. Cooking has not been an interest of mine. Now that I can't use the microwave, my oven is actually getting used. I have followed the therapy strictly and for the past two and a half weeks have felt slightly better each day. I'm into the routine now. The therapy is unrelenting but so is this disease and I need to be relentless in my dealings with it. There's no such thing as a day off. The nerve pain is now gone and I feel pretty darn close to normal. There is still some tenderness in my pelvis in a few areas and a little bit of achiness in my right hip. Late in the evening is when I notice it most. I have a blood test with the oncologist next week. It would be great if the tumor marker is down but I'm not hanging my hat on that number. I've read that as tumors break up, they are released back into the blood stream and can actually cause a spike in tumor marker readings. Presumably, before the end of the year, I'll have another PET/CT scan and that will give us an accurate picture of whether this stuff is working for me. I personally know two people who have used the Gerson Therapy to overcome cancer successfully. I hope to add myself to that list.

The band played last weekend and we even got a little write up in the Orange County Register. I don't know who the writer is or how he decided to focus on us but it was pretty exciting. We played to a full house Saturday night and had a blast.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

I checked into the nutritional facility today to begin my two-week stay. It’s called the Whole Life Learning Center and I’m doing something called the Gerson Therapy.  For the next two weeks I’ll be indoctrinated into the system and taught how to continue doing it at home. It’s a completely nutritional based therapy that has had success with a variety of degenerative conditions including cancer (of course), diabetes, heart disease, arthritis, etc. Through the overwhelming generosity of family and friends, I was able to afford to come and do the two-week stay here to get me started. I have a great private room with a private bathroom and my own sitting room. The area is lovely and I’ll be going  out to take a walk when it cools down some more this evening. The food is all organic vegan (no meat, no dairy) and saltless so until my tastebuds readjust themselves, I’m wishing for a dab of butter and a little salt on most everything. Aside from the cuisine, there are 10 juices (all freshly made) throughout the day: carrot, carrot/apple and green juice (leafy veggies and apple). Maybe this is all in my head but yesterday I had my “last supper” day since I’ll need to adhere to the Gerson Therapy for three years to get my body and immune system to a place where it can maintain my health. So, yesterday I had Chipotle Grill and some banana cream pie (and a sliver of peach pie and a sliver of lemon meringue – we had a party at work for a colleague who’s retiring). Last night and early this morning my right hip area was a little achier than it has been. Tonight, after eating “clean” all day and being juiced to the gills, the achiness is largely gone.

Sunday, August 6, 2007

Boy, life just continues to be interesting. About a month ago I noticed a weird feeling in my right hip. It wasn't painful but it didn't feel "normal". I went on the trip to the UK and while the feeling was still there, it didn't interfere with anything we did on the trip. When I returned, I decided to do a juice fasting/detoxification program. I have a juicer and started juicing fresh fruits and vegetables for myself. The feeling in my hip improved slightly. I went in for a routine PET/CT scan last Thursday as a follow up to the treatment I had at the beginning of the year. It showed some tumor activity. When I heard the phone message from my doctor Thursday night saying that the test showed some activity again, I was thinking, "Ok, tell me something I haven't heard before." I don't have the details. I suspect that it's less activity than I had last November because I'm having almost no symptoms. I'll see Dr. Lloyd this Thursday and will no doubt get the lowdown from him. With the realization that I have more work to do, I did a lot of reading and research over the weekend. I got in touch with a friend of mine who is a nutritionist and she turned me on to some books and websites to check out. I've decided that I will not do chemotherapy at this point. My doctor will probably not be pleased with my decision but I've tried it his way twice now and it obviously isn't the answer. I want to do something that will strengthen my body and support it, not poison it. I'll be doing something called the Gerson Therapy. It's an intense nutritional regimen that begins with a two week stay in their clinic. I feel good about my decision to choose an alternative route and I'm in really good spirits.  In my mind, I have nothing to lose and everything to gain by trying this. The only thing Dr. Lloyd can offer me is a prolonged, medicated death, in my opinion. He may be able to stretch me out another couple of years using various chemo drugs or bone marrow treatments but there are many stories of people who have overcome cancer nutritionally and I'm going to  give it a whirl. It's an odd thing to have to come to terms with your own death. Death itself is not scary to me because I know that on the "other side" this life will just seem like the dream before waking. I do, however,  want to be around at all the important moments in my kids' lives: graduations, weddings, births of my grandbabies, etc.

Friday, July 27, 2007

Michael's truck was "totaled" and he has gotten himself a new car: a black Mustang. It's pretty spiffy and pricier than I am completely comfortable with but he qualified for it on his own so what can I say?

Sara and I just came back from a two week tour of the British Isles. This was her high school graduation present from me. My parents went as well and we had a GREAT time. It was very beautiful and fascinating. There's so much to see in this world, so much history and so many cultures to learn about. I've extended the same offer to Rene: when she graduates from high school, I'll take her anywhere she wants to go. We'll see where we end up in two years.

My sister is back in treatment. Her ovarian cancer has recurred. She's in good spirits and doing well. Your prayers are appreciated. I've found a really interesting book called "Keep Your Breasts" written by a woman who healed herself of tumors without medical intervention. It's become clear to me that the answer to cancer is not surgery, chemotherapy and radiation. That was the approach I took four and a half years ago when I "caught it early." I still had a recurrence. Debbie also had some very radical surgery and went through chemotherapy. She's had a recurrence. The slash and burn approach doesn't get rid of the cause. I've found a variety of books that explore this topic and, I believe, point towards ways to get at the root of this disease.

We've had a change in the band again. The bass player that we auditioned in February didn't work out as we had hoped. He wasn't a good fit for us and visa versa. We have a new bass player, Marc Croft, who blew us away last night at rehearsal. He had less than two weeks to learn a boatload of material (we have a gig this Sunday) and he nailed it all, and then some. It was pretty exciting. 

For April 2007 - June 2007 archived blog entries click here

For December 2006 - March 2007 archived blog entries click here.