Monday, June 18, 2007

Just when we had gotten the car situation straightened out...my son, Michael, was in a car accident last Thursday night. He was involved in a four car wreck on the 210 freeway. He was traveling home to Oxnard about 11 pm that night after coming down for his sister's high school graduation ceremony. He was in the car pool lane and came around the curve there where the 210 and the 605 meet. According the CHP officer, it's a blind curve and there are a lot of incidents there. Anyway, Michael is in the curve and suddenly there is a car in front of him in the car pool lane, facing the wrong way with its lights off. He swerved to the right but wasn't completely successful at avoiding hitting the other car. He lost control of his truck which ended up crashing into the center divider. He and his friend Jessica were wearing seatbelts and were uninjured. The chemical smell from the airbag deployment worried him and he got out of the truck, called his dad and was trying to retrieve his camera and laptop, fearing that the truck was going to catch fire. Another car came around the same curve at that point, in the carpool lane, and had to swerve to avoid the parked car. It hit a car in the next lane over, lost control, flipped upside down and skidded into Michael's truck. Michael was thrown backward. His friend, Jessica, had to jump the center divider. Michael picked himself up and went to help the people in the car that had overturned. Amazingly, he only has a bruise on his leg and a sore shoulder and knee. The CHP arrived shortly afterward. His truck is totaled. So, here we go again dealing with the insurance company to get the claim settled. I am grateful beyond expressing that my son had only minor injuries. Things could have turned out much differently.

I heard from the producer of the Louis Hay  documentary. She asked for a photo that can be used in promotional material and on a website to promote the film so it looks like I may end up in the final cut.

As I mentioned above, Sara graduated from high school and my youngest son, Nathan, was promoted from 8th grade. I remember high school clearly and it's surreal to have two children in college and two in high school. They're all decent, intelligent, talented, beautiful human beings and I'm very blessed. Yesterday was Father's Day and we spent the afternoon with their dad.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

It’s been an eventful few weeks since my last entry. We got the insurance settlement for my daughter’s car. The car was “totaled” although it didn’t look that damaged to me. Anyway, Sara now has a new car.

Michael screened his film “Diet” last week. It’s still a work in progress. The shooting has been completed but he’s still making adjustments to the dialogue and other sound effects. Albert and I have written the score and are in the process of notating it out and hiring a string quartet to do the string parts. Even so, it was very cool and very well received. He has a true talent and I'm not just saying that because I'm his mother.

I went to Las Vegas last weekend for a conference called “I Can Do It”. It featured workshops by Wayne Dyer, Deepak Chopra, Bill Phillips and Christiane Northrup. It was AMAZING. Louise Hay is an author and it’s her publishing company, Hay House, that sponsored the event. Louise’s book “You Can Heal Your Life” was immensely helpful to me as I went through treatment again this last time. There is a documentary being produced right now about Louise and I was asked to share my story on videotape about how I feel her writings have really helped me. It’s always possible that my interview might not make it to the final cut but it was nice to participate. We’ll see what happens.

Thursday, May 3, 2007

Our entry into the American Idol Songwriting Contest did not make the Top 20. I listened to the finalists' songs and could see that the production quality of those songs was very good, like the songs had come off of a finished CD. Our demo was a rush job. We still believe very strongly that our song, "One Step at a Time", is a really good one so we'll plan on re-entering next time with a polished product. In all honesty, had our song made it into the finals at this point, the quality of the demo compared to the quality of the other songs would have put our song in a less than favorable position, comparatively speaking. I think we'll have a better chance if we work on a great arrangement and get someone with a bigger voice than mine to really "sell" the song. My voice suits certain kinds of songs really well but I'm not a "big voice" belter a la Kelly Clarkson or Christina Aguilera and that's what this song needs.

Our band "debut" this past Sunday was successful beyond our expectations. We expected to be a tad rough in a few places, since this was the first public appearance with the new lineup but we surprised ourselves at how well everything went.

Last night, we recorded a short song that will be used in my son's film, "Diet." Albert and I are working on the score for the film and one of the songs (or "cues" as they're called in the film business) was to be a hillbilly/country rock kind of thing. My son and I wrote the words and I wrote the music. It came out really well. Many thanks to the guys in the band for helping out with this. Albert sang it in his closest approximation of a beer swilling, smoking, cowboy twang. It's called "Light 'Er Up".

Friday. April 27, 2007

The new band is making it's debut this Sunday. I love making music with these guys. We rehearsed last night and I just like to close my eyes and get lost in the songs. We'll be performing at a fundraiser for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. It will take place from 4:00 pm to 8:00 pm at the Oak Knoll Clubhouse in Ladera Ranch. The address is on the the News/Schedule page. It's a wine and cheese tasting event and it's $20 to get in the door. Come support a worthy cause and hear some great music!

I got a phone call Wednesday night shortly after 10:00 pm. It's the kind of call every parent fears. It was my ex husband telling me that our daughter had been in a car accident. She was coming home from work and rear ended the car in front of her, which had stopped suddenly. Technically, Sara will be held at fault but it was a situation where traffic was being merged into two lanes because of construction and someone a few cars ahead cut in which caused a chain reaction of people needing to brake suddenly. Sara's ok but her car is not. I drove down to where she was, as did my ex, and we were there when the CHP and the tow truck arrived. She was pretty shaken up. The front end of her car was visibly damaged: crumpled hood, broken windshield, airbags deployed, broken headlight & grill, dangling front bumper. So, in the midst of this, are there things to be grateful for? Of course. No one was injured, I have good insurance so this will get taken care of, the other car had damage only to the rear bumper. I had a talk with Sara about the lessons to be learned in any situation. What's the lesson here? You can't predict what other people are going to do. People sometimes don't do what they're supposed to do or what is expected. You have to be ready and have the room to adapt quickly when situations change.  

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

I'm done. My doctor and I agreed this morning that I didn't need any more chemo. I'm on a regular Herceptin schedule now, once every three weeks. My foot is looking dramatically better today but still not completely normal. Dr. Lloyd says he's still baffled and that if it's not 100% in two weeks then he'll refer me to a rheumatologist. I know that won't be necessary. It feels fantastic to be done with the chemo. For those of you who check this blog occasionally, thank you for your support!

It appears that I will be "crewing" at the Los Angeles Avon Walk for Breast Cancer in September. I walked the event (26 miles) four years ago and found it to be a very worthwhile thing to participate in. I need to decide what "team" to sign up for but when I get more information, I'll pass it along.

This page has gotten quite long. I'm going to have to figure out how to archive some of these posts ;-)

Monday, April 16, 2007

I went in last Thursday for what was supposed to be my last "long" chemo infusion but my platelets were too low. I've been having a problem with my left foot. About a month ago, three red spots appeared around my ankle. They looked like insect bites but they didn't itch. My foot and ankle got swollen and very red. It was uncomfortable to walk on it. I figured it was some reaction to spider bites or something. My doctor looked at it and he didn't recognize it as any kind of chemo reaction he had ever seen but he sent me to have an X-ray and a doppler scan to rule out a blood clot. I was referred to an orthopedist who looked at the scans and said that, structurally, my foot was fine. The foot was actually mostly back to normal by the time I saw him. Then last Monday, some red spots appeared on my foot again and I was thinking, "Dang, that spider is at it again. I'm going to have to spray my bedroom or something." My foot got very red and swollen again. It didn't make sense to me that there was no itching that accompanied the bites so I did some internet research (isn't it amazing what you can learn?) and found a case like mine of a patient in chemotherapy with low platelets having these symptoms. So, apparently, what happens when your platelets are low is that you can have spontaneous bleeding into the skin. This can show up as tiny red spots, big red spots, bruises and pooling of blood in the extremities. I'm going to have to educate my doctor about this. Go figure. My foot is slowly improving again and I'm due to see Dr. Lloyd again this Wednesday. He'll evaluate my platelet count but he said last week that if it still wasn't much better this week that he'd be inclined to just nix the 6th treatment. I'm of a mind to go in and tell him I'm not interested in the 6th treatment. My foot doesn't like them. So, I may be done already.

Saturday, Sara and I went to UCR for "Discover Day". It's a program to welcome incoming students. She was not accepted at UCSD and so will be going to UCR. It's actually a very nice campus and it has the major she was most interested in anyway, Creative Writing, which UCSD did not. Plus, it's only 30 minutes from home. She'll be living in dorms on campus but will be close enough to go home in a pinch if she wants. All in all, I think it will work out better for her.

My musical partner, Albert, and I are entering a song in the American Idol songwriting competition. We only found out about the competition last week so I've been pretty busy working on lyric and melody tweaks and getting an arrangement finished and recorded for the demo. I'm mixing tonight. We have to upload tomorrow. I think it's right in the pocket for what they're looking for but I imagine everyone who enters thinks  the same thing ;-) I'll post it on the music page soon. It's called "One Step at a Time."   Albert is also doing the score for my son's film, "Diet". There is a link to the trailer on the News/Schedule page. The trailer has a temporary score (meaning the music you hear currently isn't Albert's).

Monday, April 2, 2007

I received the booster infusion on Thursday. I've only got one more "set" of these to go. The end is in sight. I'm feeling great. The most annoying side effect is an unpleasant metallic taste in my mouth a few days after each infusion. It seems to be more pronounced with each infusion.

I had an opportunity to give a "testimonial" at church on Sunday about how I believe my mindset and my faith in God have helped me deal with the recurrence and (I believe) helped me go into remission so swiftly. I do have quite a lot to say about a lot of things. I started writing a book after the first diagnosis and one of these days I'll get around to finishing it. It's basically an autobiography with some life lessons/philosophy added in. Some people might be quaking in their boots at the thought of me writing an autobiography (some juicy stuff - go figure). While it will be an honest look at events from my perspective, it wouldn't be done in the spirit of "I'm going to screw you because you screwed me." Really. I've been able to analyze and take responsibility for my own contributions to various situations. I don't have an axe to grind with anyone (anymore) ;-) I've experienced the truth that forgiveness of self and others liberates you from the chains of the past. I realized I didn't want to be stuck in the rut of living in the residual circumstances of past actions and decisions. My anger or resentment meant nothing to the person(s) targeted by my emotions. He/she/they could care less so the only person being harmed by the anger was the one holding on to it: me. I've learned how to let it go. Who I am NOW is what matters and how I choose to live the rest of my life. In most respects I don't even feel like the same person I was five or six years ago. Heck, I'm not the same person I was 10 or 20 years ago. In my mind, that's a good thing. I was a wimp. Dealing with a potentially fatal disease teaches you many things and shines a new perspective on what it means to live and what it means to love.